入江嘉信師範の稽古会が終わった。いつも合同稽古回は楽しみにしながらも、疲れる。特に疲れた気もする。それをあえて分析してみる。いろいろなことがあった。まず入江師範は私が特に尊敬し憧れる人であること。そのお人柄も以前とからわらず暖かく、見取りの際には受けもさせていただいたことは非常に貴重な学びの機会になった。技に対する理解も数年前講習会を受けた時よりもできていたと思ったし、私自身の成長も感じることができた。日々国際道場での稽古が間違っていなかったと自信にもなった。しかし疲れた。何が私を疲れさせたか。こういう交流会稽古会というのは、心のどこかで自分の力試しをしている。そうするとうまくいかない時に相手のせいにして相手を責める気持ちが出てくる。いろんな考え方がある合気道だ、いろんな技や受けをやる人がいる。その気持ちに支配されて、感情が動く、それが疲れの原因だ。
稽古は稽古だ、その場の先生の技を学んで、そこにある何かを学ぶ。考えなくていいと思う。それが何なのか考えなくて良いと思う。いつも稽古ではそう努めている。相手を否定しない。今回もそうしただろう。そうできた考えると、私も少しは上達したか。しかしこの疲れは感情がしっかり動いた証拠だ。まだまだ修行が足りないということだ。入江先生が開祖の言葉をいくつかおっしゃっていたが、私の好きな言葉もおっしゃっていた『稽古は禊だ。』〜相手に勝りたい気持ちを殺して、相手と一つになる、ただ禊のように稽古に打ち込むことが大切だ〜稽古は身体の稽古ばかりではない。普段の稽古とはと違う心の稽古ができるからこそ、この合同稽古会に私が参加する意義があるのだと思う。
稽古後の昼食会では入江師範とカロリン・ウェルナー両師範が楽しそうに昔話に花を咲かせていた。とても楽しそうで羨ましかった。若い時苦労した仲間は何にも変え難い。また一つ私も合気道という道を歩む気持ちを心新たにした。
The seminar with Yoshinobu Irie has come to an end.
I always look forward to joint training seminars like these, yet they leave me exhausted. This time felt especially tiring, and I wanted to understand why.
Many things happened over the course of the seminar. First of all, Irie Sensei is someone I deeply admire. His character was exactly as I remembered it, and having the opportunity to serve as uke during a demonstration was an invaluable learning experience. Compared to when I attended one of his seminars several years ago, I felt that my own understanding of Aikido had grown considerably. It also gave me confidence that the daily training I have been doing at the International Dojo has not been misguided.
And yet, I was tired.
So what caused that fatigue?
I think that whenever we attend a seminar or a gathering of practitioners from different places, part of us inevitably begins measuring ourselves against others. Somewhere in the back of the mind, we are testing our own ability. When things do not go as expected, it becomes easy to feel frustrated or even to blame a partner.
Aikido contains many perspectives. Different teachers emphasize different principles. Different practitioners move differently and receive techniques differently. When I become caught up in those differences, emotions begin to move within me. Looking back, I think that emotional movement was the true source of my fatigue.
Training is training.
The purpose is to learn the teacher’s Aikido and discover whatever lesson exists in that moment. Perhaps there is no need to overanalyze it. There is no need to decide immediately what is right or wrong. In my regular practice, I try not to deny or reject my partner. I believe I managed to maintain that attitude during this seminar as well.
If so, perhaps I have grown a little.
At the same time, this fatigue is proof that my emotions were still strongly engaged. There is still much training left for me.
During the seminar, Irie Sensei quoted several words of the Founder. One of them has long been a favorite of mine:
“Training is misogi.”
To let go of the desire to be better than one’s partner, to become one with them, and to devote oneself to practice with the purity of a ritual cleansing—that is what matters.
Training is not only physical practice. There is also the training of the heart.
Perhaps that is why these seminars are so important to me. They offer opportunities for a kind of inner training that is difficult to encounter in ordinary practice.
After the seminar, we shared lunch together. Irie Sensei and Karolin and Werner spent much of the time reminiscing and laughing over old stories. They seemed genuinely happy, and I found myself feeling a little envious.
The companions who shared one’s struggles in youth are irreplaceable.
Watching them together reminded me once again why I continue to walk this path of Aikido. Their friendship, forged through years of training and hardship, showed me something beyond technique. It showed me the kind of relationships that can be built through a lifetime of practice.
And so, once again, I find my resolve renewed. The road continues, and I am grateful to keep walking it.
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